say it ain't so, floyd The sports world is full of cheats. Baseball has Barry Bonds, football has Bill Romanowski, and extreme bungee jumping has Nedford Hellenburger. But cycling has always been one of those squeaky-clean sports where steroid use is unheard of. Until yesterday, no one has ever even suggested that any cyclist has ever cheated. The mere idea is preposterous! Illegal blood transfusions, testosterone shots, radioactive cell-manipulation. All completely foreign concepts to professional cyclists.

But now, Floyd Landis has gone and tarnished that reputation.

There are two types of people in this world: 1) those who watch 4 hour blocks of The Outdoor Life Network every July, and 2) those who are normal, sane, and well-balanced. Until yesterday, Group 2 had no clue whatsoever who Floyd Landis was. To those of us in Group 1, Floyd Landis was the guy who once rode on Lance Armstrong's US Postal Service Team, until he decided that being the leader of a losing team was somehow superior to being a helper on a winning team. When he won the Tour this year, he was briefly rebranded as the rural Pennsylvania man who was only able to escape the clutches of the Mennonites by literally riding his bike faster than the horses and buggies could chase him down.

Well, now even the normal people know Floyd Landis, but not for has dramatic collapse in Stage 16, nor for his even more dramatic comeback in Stage 17. They know him for being a cheat.

Whether or not Floyd Landis is exonerated remains to be seen. Only Floyd and his mom know that. That's not even really the issue. The Court of Public Opinion has already reached a verdict: Guilty. Whatever "Sample B" says in two weeks is unlikely to be reported with near the vigor of the original story. Let's face it, this headline is just not an attention-grabber:

Remember That Cheater Guy Who Won The Tour De France? Well It Turns Out He's Probably Not A Cheater After All

Even if Floyd Landis is proven innocent of the charges, mainstream media coverage will be as follows:

Floyd Landis Is A Dirty Nasty Cheater Who Only Won The Tour De France Because He Took Steroids, Did I Mention He's A Cheater?*

*Floyd Landis did not actually cheat or take steroids

Sort of like the whole thing with Ken Jennings "ripping" into Jeopardy:

Ken Jennings Doesn't Like The Color Blue And Claims Alex Trebek Replaced By Robot, Also Thinks Clue Crew Should Be Forced To Resort To Cannibalism*

*Ken was just joking, people, lighten up

The 2006 Tour De France will no longer be remembered for the Incident With The Giant Green Hand. Or for the rise and fall and rise of Floyd Landis. Now it will be known for the rise, fall, rise, and then fall of Floyd Landis.

For the record, when Le Tour '06 began, I was rooting against Floyd. I wanted George Hincapie to win (man, did I bet on the wrong horse!). But Floyd made me believe. He showed me that being down and out didn't mean you had to give up. That determination is more powerful than fatigue. That even failures can win. But now the only lesson I've learned is: cheaters win, unless they get caught.

Floyd, I want more than anything for you to be proven innocent of these charges. For you, for me, for America, for cyclists, and for my four year old son who is learning how to ride a bike. Say it ain't so.  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 7/28/2006