mindless drivel
Thursday, February 23, 2006
curling woes
It must be really hard to be on the Olympic Curling Team because I'm sure when you got home your wife would always expect you to sweep the floors because you're so good at it. But come on, I've been sweeping all day, give me a break!
¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/23/2006 0 comments 
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
going public, baby!
As a "professional" in the "finance" "industry," I know the value of a good IPO. By "value," I mean that an IPO can make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. If you don't believe me, just look at Enron! I guess there are sometimes investors who also want to make money or something, but I think the main point of IPOs is to make the guy who started a company filthy, stinking rich. And that's what I want for me.
So therefore I am taking mindless drivel public. I think we here at mindless drivel (by "we" I'm referring to me - monger187 - and that guy grego who wrote one post last week and promptly left the country) have come to a point where the revenue stream is beginning to far exceed expenses. In terms of revenue, there's the ad thing I have over on the right side that pays an average of exactly nineteen cents per decade. Then there are the countless unsolicited donations that people have sent over the years. By "countless," I mean it's never happened so there's no point in counting.
Well, okay, the "revenue stream" is not impressive, but that's the great thing about IPOs - you don't need "revenue"! All you need is a "compelling business model." Due to complicated IPO, child welfare, and animal rights laws, I can't tell you what my "compelling business model" is, but I can tell you this: trust me, it's freakin' awesome, man!
I have solicited third parties, and I guarantee you that there is considerable interest in owning a stake in mindless drivel. Initial estimates are for me to be a multi-billion-kajillionaire by exactly 8:31 CST on the day of the IPO, which will probably be on a Thursday. Or maybe a Wednesday.
The previous statements have not been evaluated by the SEC, the FDA, the Department of Homeland Security, or Rush Limbaugh. However, I have run all previous statements through a spell check (Multi-billion-kajillionaire was not in the dictionary, but I chose "ignore"). This is not an offer to purchase, sell, steal, or otherwise transfer shares of mindless drivel stock. Monger187 promises all stock certificates will be on expensive paper with squigglies around the outside border, maybe an official-looking raised seal, and probably a hologram of some sort. Please read the prospectus carefully before sending money. Wait, on second thought, just send the money anyway. If you really need to read a prospectus, just read the one for Google or something and substitute the word "Google" with "mindless drivel." And substitute the words "search for things on the internet" with "perform as yet undefined money-making business activities." Past performance is no indication of future results (thank goodness!). ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/22/2006 0 comments
So therefore I am taking mindless drivel public. I think we here at mindless drivel (by "we" I'm referring to me - monger187 - and that guy grego who wrote one post last week and promptly left the country) have come to a point where the revenue stream is beginning to far exceed expenses. In terms of revenue, there's the ad thing I have over on the right side that pays an average of exactly nineteen cents per decade. Then there are the countless unsolicited donations that people have sent over the years. By "countless," I mean it's never happened so there's no point in counting.
Well, okay, the "revenue stream" is not impressive, but that's the great thing about IPOs - you don't need "revenue"! All you need is a "compelling business model." Due to complicated IPO, child welfare, and animal rights laws, I can't tell you what my "compelling business model" is, but I can tell you this: trust me, it's freakin' awesome, man!
I have solicited third parties, and I guarantee you that there is considerable interest in owning a stake in mindless drivel. Initial estimates are for me to be a multi-billion-kajillionaire by exactly 8:31 CST on the day of the IPO, which will probably be on a Thursday. Or maybe a Wednesday.
The previous statements have not been evaluated by the SEC, the FDA, the Department of Homeland Security, or Rush Limbaugh. However, I have run all previous statements through a spell check (Multi-billion-kajillionaire was not in the dictionary, but I chose "ignore"). This is not an offer to purchase, sell, steal, or otherwise transfer shares of mindless drivel stock. Monger187 promises all stock certificates will be on expensive paper with squigglies around the outside border, maybe an official-looking raised seal, and probably a hologram of some sort. Please read the prospectus carefully before sending money. Wait, on second thought, just send the money anyway. If you really need to read a prospectus, just read the one for Google or something and substitute the word "Google" with "mindless drivel." And substitute the words "search for things on the internet" with "perform as yet undefined money-making business activities." Past performance is no indication of future results (thank goodness!). ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/22/2006 0 comments
Thursday, February 16, 2006
cure for boredom
Here's something fun to try if you're bored: stealing things from stores.
¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/16/2006 0 comments
monger187's unified theory of everything
After months of reading science nerd books, I've discovered that if there's one thing science nerds want to know more than anthing else, it's the unified theory of everything.
I have also learned that the leading theory in the race for the unified theory of everything is the superstring theory, which says that all matter, when broken down to its most basic form, is made up of tiny little pieces of wiggly string. And what are the tiny little pieces of wiggly string made out of? Angel hair pasta, of course! ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/16/2006 0 comments
I have also learned that the leading theory in the race for the unified theory of everything is the superstring theory, which says that all matter, when broken down to its most basic form, is made up of tiny little pieces of wiggly string. And what are the tiny little pieces of wiggly string made out of? Angel hair pasta, of course! ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/16/2006 0 comments
pie vs. cake
I can't believe there are actually people out there who prefer pie to cake. What's wrong with you people? Are you some kind of moron or what?
¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/16/2006 0 comments
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
A-ceps anyone?
I just re-began exercising after a 10 year rest (my trainer told me I should rest and relax my muscles for a while--I don't think he meant 10 years though, but anyway...). I remember my trainer telling me that having good TRIceps was better than having good BIceps. That reminded me of an old adage I once heard..."TRI is better than BI." But that wasn't the whole adage. It had a second part, which went something like, "BI is better than A." There was even a mathematical inequality that provided the wise saying with soundness: "TRI>BI>A"
If this adage is indeed true, then where are your Aceps? I vowed to answer this question I'm sure everyone has been secretly asking themselves since centuries past and from galaxies afar. I must delve into the depths of the human endomuscleskeleton in TRIBIA pursuit. ¶ grego wrote this on 2/15/2006 0 comments
If this adage is indeed true, then where are your Aceps? I vowed to answer this question I'm sure everyone has been secretly asking themselves since centuries past and from galaxies afar. I must delve into the depths of the human endomuscleskeleton in TRIBIA pursuit. ¶ grego wrote this on 2/15/2006 0 comments
Thursday, February 02, 2006
new contributor
Some guy named Grego is joining the mindless drivel "staff." I heard he's a distant relative of Philip Seymour Hoffman, so I guess that makes him qualified. Please welcome him aboard by sending him lots of spam emails. But I don't know what his email address is, or how to get a hold of him. Also, I'm not sure what his last name is, or if he really exists. Enjoy!
¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/02/2006 0 comments
blue shirt memo
I'd like to take a moment to expand on a previous post. This is mostly because I've run out of things to say, but also because it happened again: the shirt memo thing.
Here's the scenario: about five of the ten or so guys in my area were wearing blue shirts one day. So of course everyone started making the "Hey, didn't you get the memo?" joke to anyone who wasn't wearing a blue shirt.
Let me fill you in on a little secret: men love blue shirts. I'll bet if you search any man's closet, approximately 79.44% of his shirts will be blue. Count only shirts with buttons and that percentage goes up to 92.37% (note: each of these figures has a +/- 3% margin of error). My point here is that on any given day, almost every guy at work will be wearing a blue shirt.
If I walked into work one day and five out of ten people were wearing orange shirts with purple polka-dots, then I'd start to wonder if there was a memo. But blue, I'm just not convinced. But just to be on the safe side, I double-checked my Outlook mailing lists. I'm subscribed to all of the same lists as everyone else, and there was no memo. Unless I deleted it by accident. Can you forward me a copy of the memo if you have it? ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/02/2006 0 comments
Here's the scenario: about five of the ten or so guys in my area were wearing blue shirts one day. So of course everyone started making the "Hey, didn't you get the memo?" joke to anyone who wasn't wearing a blue shirt.
Let me fill you in on a little secret: men love blue shirts. I'll bet if you search any man's closet, approximately 79.44% of his shirts will be blue. Count only shirts with buttons and that percentage goes up to 92.37% (note: each of these figures has a +/- 3% margin of error). My point here is that on any given day, almost every guy at work will be wearing a blue shirt.
If I walked into work one day and five out of ten people were wearing orange shirts with purple polka-dots, then I'd start to wonder if there was a memo. But blue, I'm just not convinced. But just to be on the safe side, I double-checked my Outlook mailing lists. I'm subscribed to all of the same lists as everyone else, and there was no memo. Unless I deleted it by accident. Can you forward me a copy of the memo if you have it? ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/02/2006 0 comments
