feeling fresh Having just come back from the dentist, I feel compelled to comment on what the people on TV call That Fresh From The Dentist Feeling. I had always assumed That Fresh From The Dentist Feeling was a good thing, considering how fervently tooth product companies tout it as rationale for the use of their products. But after finally going to an actual dentist, I found out that That Fresh From The Dentist Feeling should really be called That Fresh From The Boxing Ring Feeling. And I'm not talking about a boxing ring where Jose Canseco is your opponent either. It's not quite like being in the rign with Tyson, although I suspect maybe a visit to the Ear Nose Throat doctor might make you feel like that. Especially if you had to have part of your ear removed, maybe because of frostbite or something?

Now my gums feel beaten, swollen, and bloodied, my teeth are scratched and sensitive, and my feelings are hurt because they told me I'm not brushing the right way or flossing enough. Why would I want to pay money to buy products that make me feel this way every time I brush my teeth? That's like every week!

Forget the dentist, to me there's no better feeling than opening a suitcase and finding a very large sum of unmarked bills. Is there any way they can put that in a tube? Or coat it in plastic and stick bristles at the end of it? They could call it That Fresh From The Suitcase Of Unmarked Bills Feeling. If any of you people out there work for one of those toothpaste companies, please send me a suitcase of unmarked bills for giving you the idea.

I'm sure many of you cynics out there will say that my idea would never work. But I'm sure you're just jealous that you didn't think of it first. Also, you're jealous of my fiendish good looks, quick wit, and muscular physique. But if my plan does work, at least one of us, i.e. me, will be experiencing That Fresh From The Suitcase Of Unmarked Bills Feeling.  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 7/28/2008