Wednesday, February 22, 2006
going public, baby!
As a "professional" in the "finance" "industry," I know the value of a good IPO. By "value," I mean that an IPO can make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. If you don't believe me, just look at Enron! I guess there are sometimes investors who also want to make money or something, but I think the main point of IPOs is to make the guy who started a company filthy, stinking rich. And that's what I want for me.
So therefore I am taking mindless drivel public. I think we here at mindless drivel (by "we" I'm referring to me - monger187 - and that guy grego who wrote one post last week and promptly left the country) have come to a point where the revenue stream is beginning to far exceed expenses. In terms of revenue, there's the ad thing I have over on the right side that pays an average of exactly nineteen cents per decade. Then there are the countless unsolicited donations that people have sent over the years. By "countless," I mean it's never happened so there's no point in counting.
Well, okay, the "revenue stream" is not impressive, but that's the great thing about IPOs - you don't need "revenue"! All you need is a "compelling business model." Due to complicated IPO, child welfare, and animal rights laws, I can't tell you what my "compelling business model" is, but I can tell you this: trust me, it's freakin' awesome, man!
I have solicited third parties, and I guarantee you that there is considerable interest in owning a stake in mindless drivel. Initial estimates are for me to be a multi-billion-kajillionaire by exactly 8:31 CST on the day of the IPO, which will probably be on a Thursday. Or maybe a Wednesday.
The previous statements have not been evaluated by the SEC, the FDA, the Department of Homeland Security, or Rush Limbaugh. However, I have run all previous statements through a spell check (Multi-billion-kajillionaire was not in the dictionary, but I chose "ignore"). This is not an offer to purchase, sell, steal, or otherwise transfer shares of mindless drivel stock. Monger187 promises all stock certificates will be on expensive paper with squigglies around the outside border, maybe an official-looking raised seal, and probably a hologram of some sort. Please read the prospectus carefully before sending money. Wait, on second thought, just send the money anyway. If you really need to read a prospectus, just read the one for Google or something and substitute the word "Google" with "mindless drivel." And substitute the words "search for things on the internet" with "perform as yet undefined money-making business activities." Past performance is no indication of future results (thank goodness!). ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/22/2006
So therefore I am taking mindless drivel public. I think we here at mindless drivel (by "we" I'm referring to me - monger187 - and that guy grego who wrote one post last week and promptly left the country) have come to a point where the revenue stream is beginning to far exceed expenses. In terms of revenue, there's the ad thing I have over on the right side that pays an average of exactly nineteen cents per decade. Then there are the countless unsolicited donations that people have sent over the years. By "countless," I mean it's never happened so there's no point in counting.
Well, okay, the "revenue stream" is not impressive, but that's the great thing about IPOs - you don't need "revenue"! All you need is a "compelling business model." Due to complicated IPO, child welfare, and animal rights laws, I can't tell you what my "compelling business model" is, but I can tell you this: trust me, it's freakin' awesome, man!
I have solicited third parties, and I guarantee you that there is considerable interest in owning a stake in mindless drivel. Initial estimates are for me to be a multi-billion-kajillionaire by exactly 8:31 CST on the day of the IPO, which will probably be on a Thursday. Or maybe a Wednesday.
The previous statements have not been evaluated by the SEC, the FDA, the Department of Homeland Security, or Rush Limbaugh. However, I have run all previous statements through a spell check (Multi-billion-kajillionaire was not in the dictionary, but I chose "ignore"). This is not an offer to purchase, sell, steal, or otherwise transfer shares of mindless drivel stock. Monger187 promises all stock certificates will be on expensive paper with squigglies around the outside border, maybe an official-looking raised seal, and probably a hologram of some sort. Please read the prospectus carefully before sending money. Wait, on second thought, just send the money anyway. If you really need to read a prospectus, just read the one for Google or something and substitute the word "Google" with "mindless drivel." And substitute the words "search for things on the internet" with "perform as yet undefined money-making business activities." Past performance is no indication of future results (thank goodness!). ¶ monger187 wrote this on 2/22/2006
