monger187's money-saving tips Well, folk(s), it appears that it may not be possible to live off home equity loans any longer. Which means that we lazy Americans face the dire choice of (a) working hard to earn our money, (b) suing somebody, or (c) being really, really cheap. Since (a) is not a realistic option for most of us due to various back-related reasons, and (b) requires that we actually order coffee at McDonald's, I'll focus on (c) today, with the following list of ways to be really, really cheap.

Clip coupons: sure, this seems logical. But people, think about all of the money you could be saving by simply cutting out those coupons! Each coupon is worth 1/100 cent, so cutting out every coupon from the Sunday paper could easily yield 4 cents or more! Get multiple newspapers and, well, you do the math! Seriously, can you do the math? I'm not very good at math. Please round to 2 decimal places.

Gas bonus: always insert the nozzle into your car before pushing the buttons and pulling the levers or whatever on the gas pump. Have you ever noticed that after you push the buttons on the pump, several drops of gas spill out of the nozzle? Now, instead of falling onto your shoes, these precious drops of gasoline can go directly into your tank. And for you Hummer owners, that "free" gas can easily propel your vehicle 3 inches or more!

Bill consolidation: send all of your bills in one envelope. Try sending them to a different place every month! You'll save several dollars on postage. I'm not sure how it works, but somehow they always seem to get to the right place. I think it has something to do with quantum physics.

Skip meals: yes, that's right, all of them. Have you ever stopped to think how much money we waste on food? If you stopped eating altogether, all that money could go directly to your pockets, where you could spend it on more worthwhile things, like getting those grill things for your teeth!

Stop smoking cigarettes: I would never, ever suggest that you stop smoking altogether. Why give up all of the many benefits of smoking, such as cancer, smelling bad, etc.? All I'm suggesting is that you stop smoking cigarettes. Recent studies have indicated that approximately 98.72% of the price of cigarettes goes to paying for new yachts for tobacco company executives. Setting fire to and smoking rolled up mortgage company stock certificates would be both more cost-effective and more satisfying.

Nose picking: Did you ever stop to think about just how much all of those Kleenexes are costing you? I didn't think so.

Halloween every day: Why do we only get free candy one day out of the year? If we were to celebrate Halloween every day, we could get all sorts of free candy! Plus, there's the added bonus of getting to go around with one of those masks like the bad guy in Scream all the time.

Skip the Xenon: When purchasing or leasing your brand new BMW, you can easily save $800 (or $20/month for those of you who like paying interest) by passing on the Xenon headlights! Besides, sometimes it just feels good to slum it up with the regular-headlighted losers out there once in a while.

No more shaving: Besides the obvious benefit of not having to buy shaving cream, razors, and little pieces of toilet paper, this trick also yields an added bonus. People will often think you are homeless and just give you money!

Sell some stuff: Specifically, sell your really valuable stuff to me at low, low prices. I'm currently in the market for gold bars and loose diamonds and am willing to pay up to $10 per pound for either.  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 11/01/2007