Wednesday, May 09, 2007
things i hate
- When I get on the elevator and there are so many people on the elevator that I can't find a good place to stand so I end up facing sideways or something and I can't help but think everyone's wondering, what's up with that sideways-facing guy?
- When I push the button on the elevator and someone else pushes the same button, as if pushing it again will get them there faster
- When I start to get off the elevator on the wrong floor, then I realize that it's not my floor, but I get off anyway because I don't want the other people in the elevator to think I'm a complete idiot
- Getting stuck in the elevator for days with nothing to eat or drink and nowhere to go to the bathroom
- When I get on the elevator and there are like nine people who are all going to different floors, so I have to wait while the elevator stops at like every single floor
- When there's no 13th floor on the building, so I'm looking for the button for, say, the 16th floor and I start going down the even numbers - okay, we have 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15, 17, 19. wait a minute, what just happened here?!?!?
- When there are multiple elevator banks, and I can't figure out which one to use to get to the floor I need
- When I get on the elevator and it smells like stale cigarette smoke because of someone who's not even on the elevator anymore
- When I get on the elevator and it smells like body odor because of someone who's not even on the elevator anymore
- Being in an elevator and trying to plan a strategy for what I would do if the elevator just went in a free fall, because every plan I can think of involves me ending up with multiple leg fractures and lots of really, really intense pain
- When some punk kid has pushed all the buttons on the elevator so it stops on every floor - I hate that kid!!
- When I really need to pick my nose and I think I'll be able to pick it when I get on the elevator, but what do you know, someone else is already on the elevator so I can't, and now I have to wait until I'm in my car
- Elevators that are really slow
- When I have to wait like two hours to get on the elevator - I guess this has really only happened to me once, at the Sears Tower
- When the elevator starts to go down, but instead of going really smoothly it starts with a jolt, so for a split second I start to think, oh crap, the elevator is in free fall and I'm going to die, but every time that's happened so far it hasn't really been in free fall, so I guess it's not so bad in the end
- When there are TVs on the elevator and they are talking about Don Imus and the Rutgers womens basketball team again
- When one of my kids pushes the button with the picture of a bell on it that makes that loud bell go off
- When I'm trying to talk on my cell phone but I lose the call as soon as I get on the elevator because for some reason elevators are like some sort of cell phone dead zone
- When I'm watching a movie and the guy gets on an elevator and there's this guy on there who's like, what floor, sir? - what's up with that?, every elevator I've ever been on they make me push my own buttons, I want some guy to push the buttons for me
- When I press the button on the elevator and the light doesn't go on, so I just keep pressing it, thinking I didn't press it hard enough or something the first time, but then I look on the other side of the elevator and the light is on, so all the people on that side of the elevator just think I'm a complete moron
- Movies that make me afraid of elevators, e.g. Speed, Final Destination, What About Bob?
- When I get on the elevator and the door is starting to close but then someone is walking up and I'm not sure if they're trying to get on the elevator too or if they're just walking by or what and I don't know if I should hold the door for them or not, but then it turns out they did want to get on the elevator and it was someone I work with and now they think I'm a total jackass because, damn, you couldn't even hold the elevator, what a jerk!
- When I want to go up on the elevator, but then a down elevator comes and I get on, not even thinking about it, but then I realize, oh crap, I'm on the down elevator, and then the elevator goes all the way to the bottom floor and I still don't get off, and the other people in the elevator are like what the heck is that guy's problem, he just likes to ride around in the elevator or what???
- When I end up on the elevator with someone I kind of know but not really, so I end up having to make small talk with them, and it's always like, so, nice weather we're having, huh?, yeah really, sure would be nice to be outside, yeah, I hope it doesn't rain, we sure could use it though, so any plans for the weekend?, no not really, okay see you tomorrow.
- The word "elevator" - what's that about, are we in some kind of 19th century science fiction novel or what?
- Climbing stairs
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I hate when the elevator in my dream labeled "heaven" actually goes down. Don't fear; Heaven is actually inside the earth in between "hell on earth" and actual "hell."
i stumbled across your blog on dfw blogs and this post literally made me laugh out loud. greatness. thanks for the laugh today. cheers!
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