We are currently in the heart of Christmas Season, also known as the American Shopping Season, when everyone in America goes out to the mall, takes all the parking spaces, stands in my way when I’m trying to get by, and gets in line in front of me, arguing about whether the $39.95 sweater is supposed to be on sale for $39.50.

I really don’t care for shopping, unless it means I’m going to come home with something really cool, like a new Ferrari. I think I would enjoy Ferrari shopping. I wouldn’t mind spending time at the Ferrari dealer, even if it meant I had to wait in line for a few minutes. I keep telling Rachel that we should go Ferrari shopping more often. We have a Ferrari dealer right down the street, so it wouldn’t even be inconvenient for us to go there. So don’t even try to use that argument again.

But we never go Ferrari shopping. We just go shopping to replace stuff we already have, like shower curtains, trash bags, or flat panel plasma screen televisions. I just don’t understand why she would rather buy a new toilet brush than a new Ferrari. Can somebody please explain this to me?

It’s not like I’m greedy. I don’t need a Ferrari. I would settle for a Porsche. Or even a Range Rover. But not a BMW. Come on, I have standards.

¶ monger187 wrote this on 12/11/2004