seinfeld, reprise Well, I finally remembered the thing I was going to say about Seinfeld. It initially came to me when I almost ran over a squirrel in my car. Then I forgot about it. But another squirrel started giving me that look the other day. You know the look, the one that says "You'd better watch it, Bub, I'll dart out in front of you and make you slam on your brakes. I'm not afraid to do it, I swear I'm serious. I'll do it! I'll freakin' do it!!!!!" Then I remembered again.

The Seinfeld episode in question is that one where George runs over the squirrel. His girlfriend makes him spend thousands of dollars nursing it back to life, and he goes on a tirade about how we have a deal with the squirrels. It's been a while since I saw the episode, and the only thing I remember for certain is that there are "tiny instruments shipped in from El Paso" involved, but I believe "the deal" was basically that squirrels instinctively get out of the way of approaching cars, so that we don't have to watch out for them, they watch out for us. In my experience with these "squirrelly" little fellas, there is nothing further from the truth. If anything, these ratty little furballs seem to crave death, not avoid it. Or perhaps they just get a thrill out of seeing us freak out and slam on our brakes, taking out mailboxes, flowerbeds, and pedestrians in a desperate attempt to spare the life of a suicidal rodent. If anything, that Geico commercial with the high-fiving squirrels has got it right. George is dead wrong.

Of course, there are times when the squirrels succeed at achieving death and all of your swerving, brake-slamming, and pedestrian-maiming are in vain. And you hear that sickening "thump-thump" as your front tire lays on the hurt, followed by the back tire putting the little guy out of his split-second of misery. Then you look in your rear-view mirror to see the twitching, writhing remains of the former squirrel. That sure was a funny episode. "We have no deal with you!!!"
  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 1/05/2005