babe ruth lives in my car Well, the Red Sox won the World Series and the well-publicized "Curse of the Bambino" has finally been lifted. And that's great, I'm really happy for them, but why did the curse have to land on my car? I owned my last car for six years, and the only weird thing that happened was that it drowned in the San Antonio Flood of 2002. Well, okay, I guess that's pretty weird.

But I've only had the Saab for 4 months, and I'm already on my third weird thing. Based on my calculations, that puts me about 17 1/2 years ahead in my weird thing schedule. The first week I noticed a mysterious slice in the leather in the passenger seat. Then about a month ago I found a mysterious chip in the windshield. And yesterday I found a mysterious large dent in the left rear fender. I have no idea how any one of these things happened. I don't ride around in my passenger seat with a knife in my pocket (some of my passengers might, they're a seedy bunch). I don't recall getting hit in the windshield with anything. I certainly don't go kicking my car for no reason (I kick my cat when I'm mad, not my car).

I'm pretty sure Babe Ruth is responsible for all of this. I guess he got bored haunting Fenway Park and decided that he would take his curse elsewhere. And what better place than some guy's Saab in Texas? Yes, I'm a Sox fan, but so what? A lot of people are. Why me? Shouldn't you be haunting Pedro Martinez's car instead? He probably has a better car than I do anyway.

The other potential explanation is that these incidents are being perpetrated by GM thugs. Sort of a "discount parity clause." It was probably buried deep in the contract, and I wasn't able to read it because I was too busy trying to keep Carter from driving off in a Hummer H2. "Purchaser entitles General Motors to inflict retribution against vehicle at unexpected moments for the duration of ownership of said vehicle. Signed _________"

Whatever the case, I don't like it. Babe Ruth, get out of my car. There's a guy down the street with a Lexus. Wouldn't that be a better place for your tormented soul? I think it's even got satellite radio. Or better yet, there's a nice place called Yankee Stadium up in the Bronx. Hell, it's the house that you built. And maybe the Yankees would like to know what it's like to not win a Championship for 86 years. I really don't care where you go, Babe. Just please get out of my car...
  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 10/28/2004