big tex is a big sellout Am I the only one out there who has noticed that the entire world is run by advertisers these days? It's like there's this mastermind who rules over all things, a sort of real-world Dr. Evil. But instead of inserting nuclear weapons into giant drills or killing people with sharks with "frickin' lasers," this evil mastermind decides to take over the world in a much more mundane way. And he funds all of this evil by getting all of us to line up and sign up for American Online and eat at Taco Bell. He has come up with the most creative ways imaginable to spread his evil. Of course he invades our airwaves and TV screens. And yes, he sends us spam and pop-ups to get to us while we're online. But he also sponsors the halftime show of NFL football games. He sponsors the instant replays in NFL football games. He sponsors the kickoffs at NFL football games. Even the unsportsmanlike conduct penalties have been brought to you by one of his products.

But now things have gone too far. The last bastion of all things good has succumbed to his evil desires. Of course I'm talking about Big Tex. For those of you who have either been under a rock for the past 50 years, or perhaps live more than one inch outside the Texas state line, Big Tex is the humongous paper mache-looking, completely disproportionate guy in a Texas flag shirt, cowboy hat and boots, and blue jeans who greets visitors to the Texas State Fair. And by "greets," I mean literally greets. He turns his gigantic head, holds his hand in a way that showcases his dislocated wrist, and, in a perfect Texas drawl, proclaims, "Howdy folks!" and various other Texas-sounding catch phrases. But that's not all he's saying. That's right, Big Tex is also a tool of the evil advertising madman. What do you think is on Big Tex's belt? A set of 10 foot longhorns? The state-of-Texas shape? Oh, no, he has a humongous Dickies symbol. And those 20 foot tall boots he wears? Well, of course he got them from Boot Town. We can all tell from the 19 1/2 foot logo.

What's next, the state slogan is going to go from "The Lone Star State" to "The Old Navy State"? Why not just change the name to Starbuxas? I am so fuming I can't even write. I think the only thing that can calm me down is a delicious, refreshing can of Pepsi-Cola. Now if you'll excuse me...
  ¶ monger187 wrote this on 10/02/2004